Change a life, change the world

Volunteering - giving of yourself, your time, your talent, sometimes your money. How many of you do this from time to time? How about regularly? I have always been a volunteer in a variety of areas, from things I did as a kid with my parents to things I have decided to do on my own as a teen, young adult, and as a parent.

Just as with other things, volunteering isn't for everybody. Honestly, not everybody has the heart for it, nor the time, nor the caring. I know that sounds odd but it truly isn't. Just as some people aren't the type of person to settle down and get married, or perhaps aren't the type of person or couple to have children, some people won't understand the reward inherent in it, and that reward isn't monetary.

This brings me to the topic on hand, volunteering as a parent in school. I started out having what I thought was an excellent experience. It has now been tempered by having to deal with something caused by people I may not even know, whose motivations I may never understand. As a result, I have had to deal with a change in school policy that it made it that much harder to be involved, because now you have to be so much more specific and plan everything in advance. As a parent, sometimes I like this, but after having gotten used to not having to, it just seems like a roadblock. I feel there has been a big communication problem and I'm not sure where it is stemming from. I like to solve problems by getting to the root of them and dealing that way, not by masking the symptoms and continuing to have the problem. Despite this, it is still valuable to be involved, and this is why.

Like I had said before, parent involvement is made up of MUCH more than just tutoring your own child, it has more to do with knowing what is going on the whole day, from the personality and teaching methods of the teacher, the class environment and factors present there, not reading at home or doing homework packets together. I would probably encourage EVERY parent that could even take ONE day off from work and spend that day in the classroom with their child to do it. Even if they don't get much out of it that day, it might trigger something for them later on when they think back. Maybe it's just me. I'm not quite sure why I think it's so cool, maybe because it's an actual way to change the world that doesn't require you to be a millionaire or have connections. =)

I can think of adults or teachers who have had a direct impact on me, and who is to say that you or I wouldn't be that same person in a child's life today?

Political Rant Saved for Posterity....

You are NOT imagining anything and neither am I. I suppose since the threads were deleted, I can't actually go back and look at how I replied but I do tend to say the same things repeatedly just to make a point. That way, people who know me can look at my responses in several related topic threads and see the similarities in what I've posted - and KNOW it's me. I'm CLEAR when it comes to how I feel about something I'm passionate about, I leave no room for error. In fact, occasionally I get accused of being stubborn, defiant, closed-minded, assertive, aggressive, direct - but you know, those can be good things too. I'll stand my ground.

I have always had something to say about how I am suspicious or questioning of Obama's actions, policies, ideas, thoughts, campaign, and anybody who works for/with him. We are supposed to be a country run by the people, WE are supposed to elect OUR government and WE are supposed to have the final say about anything that government does. If our approval rating of OUR government is poor AND WE disagree with what OUR government is doing, they should not be doing it. BOTTOM LINE.

YES we have the right to question and oppose what OUR government does, and it doesn't mean racism and it is NOT personal! For the most part I have not directly been involved with people calling ME racist - however! People have called MY FRIENDS racist! I have heard people calling EACH OTHER racist when they have said nothing more eyebrow raising than 'I voted for Bush'. Mmmmkay. How do YOU know what motivated someone to vote the way they do? Don't you dare propose that you KNOW when you haven't even ASKED the other person. Cripes. Again, FOR THE RECORD, I wouldn't care if Obama was black, green, purple, orange, or polka dotted with yellow stripes, tie dyed, or from Jupiter, if he had the SAME policies, ideas, campaign, and supporters, I'd still disagree with him. So. After that, do you think you can REALLY still call me racist? I dare you. [em]rasp[/em]

Let's gather around and hold hands and sing kum bah yah and pretend everybody is the same on the outside, please, for heaven's sakes. With that as the setting, it's much easier to see that POLICIES are why we feel the way we do.

As far as people who want us all to shut up - this is still a free country. We have the freedom of speech. We WILL continue to have the freedom of speech. If you feel threatened by our freedom of speech, perhaps you should examine WHY you feel that way. Do you think that you'll somehow be screwed over if suddenly you are held responsible for calling US racists? maybe you should have thought about what you said and how you said it before you well.... said it.

I strongly believe that people who go about calling each other racists say so out of 'victim' mentality. It's a low blow.... they can't come up with anything relevant to say to strike back, so it always goes back to racism. If not racism, then it's something else, like gender, or perhaps... the environment. Or religion. Always something that's a hot topic that gets people all bent out of shape. Over nothing.

I will now beat my head against a brick wall. I am saving a copy of this to pull out when I need it to prove I said it in 11 months.

A Life Without Regrets

For the most part I live with no regrets. I do not mean that I have made no mistakes, I have made plenty and I will keep making them, it's part of being human. However, when something seems awful at the time or feels like the biggest mistake ever, you never realize that down the road that 'awful' thing or mistake may be what brought you to where you are.

I mean I could say, gee I wish I had had a different childhood, maybe I would be a nicer person... but in reality I can say instead that I am who I am, regardless of what happened, I can CHOOSE to be a nicer person because I can. I could say that I'm a loser and I'm miserable and a failure because my ex-husband was abusive and I deserved it but NO... none of that is true. Getting divorced sucks but sometimes it is the answer to living. Sometimes loss and pain in life that seem like it will destroy you gives you empathy, and courage. That enables you to be what other people in your life now or in the future need...

I always 'wish I had known better' when I realize I did something dumb lol. That doesn't mean I want to undo the dumb things I did. I think the dumb things I did help to make me the person I am today.... the person I would not be if any of those dumb things were undone or undo-able. I wouldn't wish that. I am very happy.... life is an adventure. If I died tomorrow, I would die with everything I ever wanted. I love myself and somebody loves me... I have children and I am a mommy. I've been married, I've been in love and I am in love. I have experienced so many things, and I have so many blessings. I believe in myself, I trust myself, and I would do almost anything out there.... if I felt like it. I have very little fear of anything, and I don't care much what other people think of me. If it's good, it's a bonus, but if it's bad, I don't give a rip lol. I don't live for other people and I'm not a conformist.

Honestly, the only times I have had regret is when I have listened to someone else INSTEAD of trusting my own intuition. I have had chaos and catastrophe happen when against my better judgement I trusted someone else, even sometimes somebody who is trustworthy - IF their suggestion or advice really went against my gut. I have learned it's better to hurt someone's feelings and say no than to spend any more of my life regretting anything, even if it's small.

Pro-choice is NOT Pro-abortion....

I am pro-choice - which does not mean PRO-ABORTION. I have to put it that way because some people still believe pro-choice means pro-abortion. It does not. It means that I believe that each person's body is their own, under their own control and affected by their own decisions. No person is owned by another nor should any person be under someone else's thumb or subjected to someone else making decisions for them against their will. Therefore, I have to support freedom and that freedom of choice. Each person has the right and responsibility to choose their own outcome, even if someone else doesn't agree with it.

Now personally, I do not think I would choose to do it. I don't think that I could. I believe that life begins at conception, plus it took me around ten years to finally have ONE baby. She is five now, I cannot imagine life without her. She was very very very wanted. Birth control is not 100%, no, but the only way around that is abstaining, who in their right mind is going to turn down their spouse lol? Either way, if we had another, it would be meant to be, since I also don't really believe in accidents. I'm not even sure I'd be capable of it if we found out there was something wrong with the baby and he or she wouldn't live. It just doesn't feel right to me... for me. I have had friends who have struggled with this decision, and some who have had abortions, some who have given babies up for adoption, and some who have raised the baby. All I have hoped for each of them in regards is peace and strength in whatever decision they ultimately made. In every case when they shared the struggle with me, I have always told them to trust their own hearts, and to make sure that whatever they choose THEY can live with. I love them no matter what, I don't judge my friends, and it isn't MY decision. It is hard to become a parent, and it is hard to decide not to. It must be awful thinking about a child you gave up too, even if you knew it meant that child gets to have a better life.

I was raised Christian and I am now an agnostic. I do not think my religion nor lack of it has anything to do with how I feel. Many decisions and struggles people face are extremely personal and extremely individual, and NOT up to others to have any say, influence, or jockeying for position. Just my two cents on the matter.

Rebirthing - Skillet lyric video (my first attempt!)

My first attempt at a lyric video @ Yahoo! Video

After a lot of editing and trial and error here is my first attempt at a lyric video. This is posted at YouTube and my feed is from there for now because I can't get it to load directly as a file from my computer. Hope you like it, I enjoyed making it.

Love in dreams

Last night I had the oddest dream about a date I went on... with somebody really fun. I don't exactly know who he was because he wasn't exactly just one person. What I gather is that he must be a patchwork of several people....

I wish I hadn't forgotten most of the dream because my daughter woke me up around 7 AM disturbing it and I hadn't written anything down. Mostly what I remember is sensation (like touch), not visual, which sounds weird but it isn't. My lovely 'date' spent a good portion of the dream trying to touch me and I spent a good portion of time slipping away from him. Nothing pervy, I mean there was a lot of waist grabbing but we spent a lot of time in a truck. We weren't alone either, my cousin's wife actually had invited me, I clearly remember hearing her say she was glad she invited me because I was fun. *I* was fun? I wish I could remember the guy's name, so many things about him were so familiar but as a combination, doesn't ring a bell. He was young though, too young for me actually, so I think maybe when I dream I allow myself to stretch.

Dreams like this don't really have any reason for being, I have them every once in awhile and they are so real and so clear - to the point where I remember feeling terror in the dream that people I know will find out since I'm not technically supposed to be going on dates LOL! There are also times when people I know ARE in the dream too, and I usually am hoping there isn't bloodshed as a result. I like to have fun dreams and have a good time, but I think it would morph into a veritable nightmare if suddenly people started throwing punches or drawing knives or heck... biting each other!

I guess I decided to write about this so I can figure it out myself. I must have some odds and ends floating around in my mind that only come out in dreams. I used to journal and write extensively several years ago and only now have I returned to it in a small way by blogging, not quite the same as storytelling though. One thing I do know is that I do appreciate a little fun and I never turn it down if it doesn't hurt anybody, that's a nice thing to know about yourself.

How to censor yourself and not others....yes you epic FAILED!

So along comes another censorship issue, which I seem to butt heads with at least quarterly, if not more often. I post at a discussion site now and then and I really try to avoid the religious topics because it is SO easy to fall right into the trap of arguing with people who have already made up their minds to judge you because they disagree and refuse to see outside of their little 'box'.

I happened upon a discussion about a guy who was given a JAIL SENTENCE because he dressed up as a religious figure. My first thought was really... WHAT?! My second thought was mostly irritation toward whoever would consider giving a jail sentence to another person because they dressed up in a costume. A costume is a costume, folks. Do you think you'd have an issue if I dressed up as something or somebody? Why? What if I told you I just felt like it? Is it the INTENT that gets people's blood boiling? What if there is NO malicious intent? And how likely do you think it is that a person you don't even know that doesn't know you is PURPOSELY TRYING TO OFFEND YOU? Slim to none? Then why be offended? I don't understand.

So.. what follows is my response to one of the answers somebody gave:

I agree with this. People have GOT to start SELF censoring. If YOU personally don't like something, don't look at it. Don't listen to it. Don't read it. Don't get involved with it. Don't shop there. ETC ETC ETC! It's quite simple. Don't get the arrogant idea that just because YOU dislike or hate something or are against it that the person in FAVOR of it is purposely TRYING TO OFFEND YOU. This is not true, and it likely isn't about you at all. There are things I don't like. Doesn't mean I am personally offended and think that someone who LOVES it HATES me or is trying to hurt me or make me feel bad or get me upset or angry, etc. They probably have no idea I even exist plus my opinion shouldn't matter to them nor theirs to me. The only time I would actually think someone was purposely trying to offend me is if they SAID they were or indicated they were, and they were somebody I knew! Most of the backlash and issues are between people who are virtual strangers!

What I see instead is someone hates something they try to get it banned, which interferes with OTHER PEOPLES' enjoyment of (insert thing here). I think THIS is not fair which is why I am against censorship and banning of pretty much anything. Several examples - I don't smoke and I wouldn't personally have an abortion, but I am completely in support of smokers' rights and the rights of women to have final say over their own bodies. If I don't support free choices I am in essence cutting off my own foot down the road. I've seen it said that your personal freedom ends where mine begins, and that is true in a way. Believe what you want but don't impose your feelings on me. Take what you want, leave what you don't, but don't TAKE from me because you don't like what I like!

I mean just because someone else hates a book I love or hates a tv show I watch or hates a video game or a musician or whatever, I don't believe in any way, shape, or form that THEIR OPINION OR DISLIKE should translate into anything that affects ME, so they should take their hate and keep it to themselves! I want to read my book, not have it banned by someone hateful, I want to watch my tv show, not have it pulled by someone hateful, I might want to play my video game or watch my kids enjoy it, not have to beat someone's door down for getting it removed from stores, and as far as the musician, different strokes for different folks. Tell me, what is so hard about looking at it that way? Creative control lies with each individual, nobody should have the right to choose for anybody else on this planet.

Twilight Ate My Life....or how to make videos

My very first video of Twilight-inspired graphic art... and I am shaking in my boots. I love YouTube, I have been spending a lot of time there lately and mostly in awe of the creativity of fans and music lovers alike. I decided instead of posting up my first video there I'd do it in relative safety at my blog where I can choose who I share it with. I know my subscribers and friends I'd feed the link to love me and won't make fun no matter how amateur it is. I make this with love.... love of the techie stuff that allows someone who has never made a video or movie before to do it (thank you Picasa, thank you Aaron)... love of the characters who inspired the art and the artists who drew it. I couldn't credit anybody because they are screenshotted and not even posted up by the original authors, but most of them were signed by the original artists so I'm just saying I didn't draw these lol. I sure do wish I could draw this well. Aaron, if you read this I guess you might remember Jim (Ko) drew manga so this would be right up his alley. What I actually want to do is get lots of high quality art, screenshots, and photos and intersperse it with video from trailers or my dvd when it arrives. There are so many cool things I'd love to work on but I discovered through trial and error the last couple days that I need large files or they come up pixelated and unclear and wouldn't work for a video, at least not the quality I want if I'm going to upload them anywhere other people get to see. Please keep in mind I'll polish this up and probably use a different program next time so I can animate my text stuff better. I hope you enjoy my first stab at creativity using something other than well.... just words. =P

Some Twilight thoughts....

I came upon this video on youtube when I finally gave in to my otherworldly cravings for all things Twilight. Not that I'm sorry, this is a beautiful song, if you are looking for it, it is actually Yiruma - River Flows in You. It has been quite a day, and quite a journey from my hiding-under-a-rock (kidding) existance to my outward love and appreciation for Stephenie Meyer. If she only knew what an exponential rate she made fans since fans DO buy the books for other people THEY love. There is a huge outpouring of creativity I've seen on youtube, from fan trailers and clips to art, music, poetry, you name it.

This song was listed as 'Bella's Lullaby', it isn't the real one, the one Edward plays for her, but in my opinion this would have been perfect. This makes me think a bit ashamedly about all the piano lessons I turned my nose up at... boy did I hate to practice. I can still play, if I want to. There are songs I remember from memory and I can pick out tunes, not play the pieces though. One odd thing about me though is that I don't read music. I play from hearing it, from memory. It still takes me awhile to learn and I make mistakes but it's how I learn.

Back to the whole Twilight subject, I cannot figure out how I didn't manage to see any movie trailers for it, nothing online, no book reviews. The one thing I remember seeing and hearing a lot was 'Edward Cullen' and I passed that off as some adolescent thing. I do watch prime time tv and I'm online all the time! Because of this I am unsure why I didn't pay any attention. The books are BESTSELLERS, everybody is reading them. The movie was a huge deal, I guess people were camping out and waiting for tickets. I have to thank my sister for the nudge, she bought me the first book for Christmas. I didn't even begin reading it right away, since I was reading something else. Well.... I started reading. Then I bought the rest of the books. Edward and Bella are hard to ignore.

To explain a bit for some folks (if you've read the books, you know what I'm talking about) I am completely sure that Bella BELONGS with Edward. There is some odd push for something to happen with Jacob, but Jake is her friend, her best friend. While some friendships do evolve, they usually do that in the absence of a relationship at all. Even though Bella somewhat hides the seriousness of her relationship with Edward for awhile, it doesn't change the fact.

I am actually considering this saga as something like the fairy tales of today, you know how as kids we had the fairy tales about Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and any manner of princess or maiden who gets rescued by the prince or knight on a white horse - what if today's version is a small town accident-prone girl who gets rescued by a hundred year old vampire who looks 17? I'm a fan of modern fairy tales. It's not a bad way to be rescued since most of us aren't as helpless as the princesses of that time.

Men are crabbier when hungry... and the post office doesn't tape boxes...

This is the secret of life! Ok, I'm kidding. I had two revelations today. First that men are crabbier when they are hungry, and this theory has been proven over time. I'm actually cooking right now while I'm typing this, err... well I'm letting the oil heat up again. We have a wild windstorm raging outside, I am too close to a window so I swear I feel the draft coming through it! Back to the hungry issue. I am fairly domestic and I usually like to cook. I have two 'boys' that live with me, the big one and the small one. Of course the small one is now bigger than me but I call him the small one because he's younger than me. When they are hungry, they are more likely to get snippy about things or ask me about food.

Now I don't get this. When I'm hungry, I go to my kitchen and I fix myself something, OR if I don't feel like cooking, sometimes I will go out and GET myself something. I don't grumble at people that I'm hungry! If you're a man, please advise me why it seems to be this way. This is NOT to say I do not take advantage! I truly do take advantage because it kills two birds with one stone.

On to the post office issue. I found out today that the post office does not tape boxes. They also do not add any packing stuff to your box for you. The guy went as far to say he would sell me a roll of tape but I said - excuse me, do I look like I have a tape dispenser or a pair of scissors in my purse? If you cannot tape the box, it's not going to matter. After that, I asked him if I could just buy my postage label because then I could leave and take my box somewhere else. He refused to sell me a postage label. You know what? I am done with the postal service. I have a mail center a mile from my house. THEY pack boxes. They TAPE boxes. They add extra cushioning or packing material so the stuff I'm sending doesn't break, fall out, etc. They are very nice. They just cost me about five bucks more than USPS. I also have a UPS store close to me and they are just as helpful. I am really just shaking my head about the whole thing.

Coffee. Finally coffee. I love coffee. Especially Starbucks coffee. I grew up where Starbucks started, in the Pacific northwest, near Seattle. However I have noticed something that really bothers me. It's super good coffee - but is it worth almost $4 a cup?? Can we say economic meltdown? I'd sacrifice two Starbucks locations in my town if they'd cut the cost by 50 cents lol. Yes you got it, I think there are 5 Starbucks within a 5 mile radius of my house.

Celebrate EVERY DAY, not just 'special occasions'

Today I had the opportunity to hear Dr. Laura speak when I was attending a luncheon =) I also consider that I had a pretty lucky day, but don't mistake my message about celebrating with my good mood about that.

One of the things she mentioned was that we should celebrate life, which means small things, everyday things, things we treasure that may not necessarily mean anything to other people. I happen to agree! How often do you hear people talk about 'taking out the good china' when they have company or visitors? How about 'lets get out the good bottle of wine' or 'I'll wear my nice expensive perfume for this special date'?

What is wrong with us? What if you don't wake up tomorrow? What if some natural disaster happens and you get out alive but your house doesn't survive? What good is that 'good china' now? How about that broken and spilled bottle of expensive perfume you decided not to wear because you wanted to make it last?

I encourage you to celebrate every day. Think about all the awesome and wonderful things you can do! Maybe you get out of bed and make sure you go rowing or swimming or running. Think about what your body does for you and appreciate it! Maybe you get a toddler ready for the day... look at that day ahead as a learning experience for both of you. Perhaps you teach kids, counsel or treat patients, maybe you drive a race car or make music. You are blessed and you are talented, no matter what it is you get up to do every day. Don't throw away your opportunities that each new day brings. Hug your little ones. Call your friends. Dance by yourself without music... or music only you hear. Every day you're still here is a reason to celebrate.

Courage and Confidence

I recently mentioned these words together to a friend, explaining that if you have both, you can do anything. I meant it. Hand in hand, you have a lot of power in life if you own them both. These are not like possessions either, they cannot be taken away from you once you have them - but the hard part is growing with your experiences so you can face each new one head on.

I didn't always have either one. It took me at least 20 years to figure out that you are truly your own worst enemy. Nobody else is more hardnosed, picky, and knowledgeable about your own shortcomings than yourself. While there ARE people out there that are shallow and ridiculous and simply go about picking on others for the sake of it, MOST people around you are thinking more about their own problems than yours.

To address courage - it isn't the absence of fear like so many people think. It is bravery in spite of it, telling yourself that what you are afraid of isn't worth the price of fear, which might be not talking to someone, not trying something new, not accomplishing a goal, etc. If people would only see that they hold themselves back from wonderful things in life and there's nothing really stopping them, can you imagine what we could do? I recall when I was expecting my daughter that SO many people would call me both brave and crazy for saying I was planning to have her naturally without drugs. I'm not brave, and I'm not crazy, and I did have her naturally. A lot of situations are truly mind over matter - if you have motivation and knowledge, then it's not scary, so therefore you are not brave because you're not afraid to begin with.

Confidence... well, this is something I wish I could buy for everyone, everyone I have met and everyone I haven't. Confident people do not quit, they might fall down but they get up again. They try new things even when odds are against them. They don't listen to negativity. Confidence also allows you to prevent yourself from being abused, used, and taken for granted. The key here I think is to have expectations to reach, but REASONABLE ones. When someone has expectations that are consistently too high, eventually they give up because they learn they can never reach them. When someone has expectations that are consistently too low, eventually they become a 'victim of their circumstances' and tell people 'I'm this way because I'm slow' or 'I'm this way because I'm poor' or 'I'm this way because I have no opportunities'. It's all hogwash! We have to stop thinking that who we are or who we can be is ever based on anybody other than ourselves.

Random Thoughts on the Survival of Humanity...

I wrote this in response to a question of whether I believe in survival of the fittest (or struggling against situations) or being part of a community that is cohesive and cooperates for the good of all. The question also brought up the idea of religion contributing to the downfall.

I prefer to say I promote equality and harmony as well as live and let live. Concern yourself only with your own business and take care of those who depend on you to the extent they need it. Do not go above and beyond and censor or advise or influence others against their will. Your life should be more important than nosing into others' business. This would ensure personal responsibility and personal consequences and more fairness and less fighting among people.

I believe in spirituality, not religion. Religion dictates rules and right and wrong. Spirituality doesn't. It simply puts out there that there is more to us than just the here and now physical dimension. Religion divides people and brings anger and judgement and discord. People no longer accept and tolerate and love. They discriminate, judge, divide.

I also believe that we cannot be the only 'intelligent beings' around, there is infinitely more out there than this planet, this galaxy, this universe. Why wouldn't there be others? Either way, freedom is of utmost importance. Freedom to be whom we want, freedom to believe what we want - WITHOUT imposing our feelings on other people. 10 people could believe 10 different things and I think all of them have a right to and all of them should leave each other alone about it. There is nothing to be gained by having all 10 fight and kill each other over a disagreement because they each have a right to believe what they want. One is not MORE RIGHT than another. Maybe all ten are right. Maybe all ten are wrong. Nobody can say so nobody should say anything. I am not sure why we all have this desire to dominate each other. Wherever that came from, it is NOT good. It is enough we should control ourselves and basically be our own masters. There is no need for us to also control and dominate other people.

Death is a SAMPLE GIRL?

This is one of the creepiest ads I have seen to date! While I can't photoshop cool things to alter what you see here, I believe the creep factor speaks for itself. When I first saw it on tv, I couldn't wrap my mind around the idea that death was actually skulking around town, all those people in the ad would be running and screaming and many 911 calls would be placed about the 'nutjob in the death getup wielding a machete-thingy'.

It gets even worse near the end of the ad when 'death figure 01' pulls off the hood and cloak and presto! She now morphs easily into a Dallas-cheerleader-esque uh... SAMPLE girl and the ad makes a reference to cigarette samples.

SAMPLES?

?!?

I don't recall cigarette samples. I'm not THAT old. Or maybe I am not old ENOUGH?

Not making a decision is making a decision

This keeps popping up in my life over and over and over. I actually heard this comment first courtesy of Grissom on CSI... for followers of the show, he just left the show. As a CSI fan, I think this was a real bone of contention for him for a long time.



So... how do you take this comment? At face value? How many of us are paralyzed or in a rut, not making a choice, perhaps out of fear? I am kind of new to blogging, granted I have blogs I've written at myspace and other sites. The difference between those and this one is that I really wasn't exploring much with those. I plan to use some of them as ideas to expand on here and hope maybe to field questions or perhaps get some much needed answers.



I suppose I avoid making decisions about many things. I don't like change. I do freely admit that I don't like change, it is a good thing when I NEED it but I frown and drag my feet when someone ELSE brings it upon me and I don't see a reason! I have heard all my life grand theories about breaking out of your comfort zone and potential potential potential. Potential what? Sounds pretty open ended to me. I have learned enough at this point though to know that some folks operate under the principle 'do unto others BEFORE they do unto you'. As funny as that sounds, it isn't. When making some sort of decision, I would much rather have the final say or last word on things that affect me rather than putz around and wait and wait... and end up having someone ELSE make the decision! Once in awhile I do that and often I regret it, or wonder what caused me to back away. It's hard to know, it might be in an effort for harmony or balance, because I am emotionally exhausted, or perhaps I just trust someone else more because they have more experience, knowledge, etc.



This brings me to another conundrum - the whole idea of silence and inactivity vs noise and action. People who sit on their hands and do nothing in response to a stimulus are often thought of as following the crowd or in agreement with whatever is going on around them. This isn't always true but it APPEARS that way, doesn't it? I have a hard time blending the appearance with how I feel sometimes. What is truly more important here? I think both are equally important, but you cannot control the perceptions of others. All you can do is control how you react to them and what you do to either reinforce or alter what people see.



Here is to hoping you actively MAKE more decisions this year instead of making decisions by default. Make decisions that will make you happy, make decisions that will make you grow. Do not underestimate the power of your choices for the direction of your life. 2009 and beyond.

My music box

I often wonder what draws people to their listening preferences... their 'music box'. I hear various people say that their influences are this person or that person, this artist, this band, that sound. I admit I don't always hear whatever they are talking about. What I focus on instead is the feelings invoked for ME, thoughts, memories and yes... questions. I suppose I am a hard sell, most of my favorite songs have much more going on under the surface than meets the eye. I am not a mathmatician, I like words. Of course since I have a little girl this also equates to 'itsy bitsy spider' tossed in with a slice of 'So What'.

My playlist is eclectic, a combination of genres, decades. I have tried without success to create things such as 'driving audio' or something to play when doing distasteful tasks like cleaning my house. I have found lately that it's better just to turn on whatever sounds good to me at the time. I listen to a lot of different things, familiar as well as new just in case something jumps out at me. Is that what you do... or do you stick with tried and true? I do not love everything, I'm not even an artist addict, religiously following someone like Deadheads did or the merchandising nightmares that plague parents of most teenage girls....oh wait, YES I did belong to that group in the early 90s =P These days I guess I am more selective, what speaks to me might not mean anything to the majority of people I rub elbows with but that doesn't matter. I always believe in taking the good in something and leaving whatever doesn't apply - and this makes sense in music and most other parts of life itself. I do believe now more than ever that messages present in music connect people to each other, sometimes beyond this life. At the end of last year someone I hadn't known very long was suddenly gone.... but what he listened to made a difference for me.

As a recent avid watcher of youtube, I have been seeing a lot of user created videos and I'm fantasizing about making some of my own.... but how do you make a tribute of seemingly unrelated things? One of the coolest things I saw lately was a vid done for a contest (long over) combining Peter Petrelli (from Heroes) with 'Godspeed' (a song from my favorite band Anberlin) and I thought it was brilliant. Too bad I didn't think of it... but that's what I get for discovering the draw of youtube so late. Of course if you want to pick things apart even more, that's not the only thing I discovered late.... but that's for another episode.